i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
