You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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