we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
