is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
