Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
