I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
