i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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