I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
