Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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