You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
