I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize