I skipped work to stalk him.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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