I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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