i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize