I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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