i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
