guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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