i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
