Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
