My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
