Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
