Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
