You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize