Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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