So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
