Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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