i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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