Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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