it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Vodka?
Forever.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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