my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
