you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
