I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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