dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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