if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
