How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
