Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize