I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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