well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
