you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
