OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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