i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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