Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Randomize
