Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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