I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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