you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
