letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
