How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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