She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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