Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
