life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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