Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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