Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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