my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
