how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
