You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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