Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
