You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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