Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
