is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
