my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
