I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
