i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
