sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
