Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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