I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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