i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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