I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
