i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
