We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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