if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
