tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Everclear isn't food dammit
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
