We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is it because I queefed?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
