3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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