I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
