and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
