this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
