he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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