No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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