yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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