Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
