We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
