I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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