She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
